To bitch or not to bitch....

If you've gone through my very few posts, you'd realise that I don't bitch-blog.
I've probably done it once or twice, but mostly I try to keep me blog chirpy and crazy wif some funni-ness strewn about here and there.
Meaning I don't write about something that pisses me off, no matter how much I want to get it off my chest and just write out my thoughts.

Besides, I prefer the bitching to be done personally, so that I can get immediate feedback.
Cuz the immediate feedback basically helps you figure out whether its something bitch-worthy, or something totally petty.

Yes...I do realise that too much bitching gets rather monotonous.
Besides which, sometimes, when you're pissed, all you need is some time to cool off...take a breather...and think about things.
Yes...that's right...think about things.
Step away.
Verbalising what you feel when you're still highly emotional is not always wise.
You tend to forget to be rational and you tend to speak before you think.
Say things which you'll later regret and that can be offensive to the other person...
Basically, do things that will ruin relationships, no matter how close you think you are to the other person.

Take a situation which occurred a few weeks ago, for example.
My colleagues and I were having training and were doing a group project - do's and don'ts when managing clients
A guy friend and I was teasing one of the gurls at our table, someone we both used to be close to (I've noticed she doesn't layan him much nowadays and she's started to pull away from me as well, even after we've supposedly settled a small misunderstanding, which occurred when I was having my period and feeling rightgeously moody).

Any, this colleague of mine had just been promoted, but oddly enough, when the announcement was made, rather than being happy about it, she was bitching about it.
But then again, knowing her, if she hadn't been promoted and someone else was instead, she'd be bitching about that, too.
That person doesn't deserve it la...the other person knows how to play "the game" la...why does she have such high numbers it must be impossible la...

Her promotion and the added duties were more of a nuisance to her, I think, cuz her work would've been simpler without the additional duties and responsibilities.
Go to work, get the cases created, go home.
Nothing to worry about, no need to stay extra hours, no need to be accountable for anyone but herself.

Anyway, at the same time, she was going through some personal problems.
Some might say that she should not have been so surprised with the outcome...
Yet others, who may know her better would have said that though she very well knew how it would have turned out, chose to remain in denial, because as independent as she may seem...she's actually not.

So...during the group project, we were teasing her about the promotion.
Nothing bad really, just about how she'd be taking over our current boss' load and will be picking up less e-mails and calls etc.
If it was my friend who was promoted, she would have done the same.
But, I guess, her personal issues were really bothering her.
And all of a sudden she snapped at us...rather loudly, more than a little rudely.

It wasn't so much that she snapped at us that actually bothered us.
If she'd said "stop it" or "senyap lah" or something similar, we would've just stopped and left it at that.
Nope...it was what she said...something personal and below-the-belt and vindictive.
The last was her own words when I asked her many many months ago about how she got when she hates someone she used to be close to.

What she said was like a slap to my friend's face, because honestly, based on his numbers, he should have been one of the 3 that was promoted.
This guy didn't even know she was having personal issues.
He didn't know she was having a shitty week and that she wasn't in the mood for "playing around".
He was just teasing her the way we always teased each other.

Suffice it to say, the whole table was shocked into silence...
And we were all pissed...which was why one of our examples for the project was "don't bring your personal life to work"..tho no one except for me knew about her personal issues.

During our break, one of the other gurls at the table approached me and asked if she'd done something.
Apparently, not only was my friend the one yang terasa, but bof of the other gurls at the table terasa-ed, as well.

To this day, the guy has not spoken to her...I don't blame him
The other two gurls are ok now, but then, they aren't friends with her...and they haven't been exchanging bitching-moments about work with her...so there's no real "bond" between these gurls.

She hasn't apologised and I doubt she will...and I don't know whether he will forgive her.
I don't know whether she cares.
She probably didn't think she did anything wrong.

But then again...that's exactly my point.
She was going through a shitty period in her life and was not only pissed and frustrated, she was probably feeling confused and heartbroken and a whole lotta other things.
But if she knows she says shitty things when she's pissed, then she should've probably tried doubly-hard to make sure she doesn't speak when she's angry.
Take some time out..if you're gonna be a bitch to your friends when you're pissed, then seriously, maybe you should've just taken AL or get an MC and stayed at home.

When we met up later in the day, she said that she was fine with me, but was pissed with our friend.
I doubt it very much.
I think she was just as pissed at me as she was at him, especially since when the announcement about her promotion was made, she started asking me a lot of weird questions..
As if she thinks I felt she didn't deserve it...even said that she knows I felt the people who were promoted aren't as qualified as I am and are beneath me....huh? really a? is that what I felt?

I know one of them seriously deserved it, as for the other 2...well, the Lady Boss picked who she picked, so whatever la...
So long as they can do what is required of them, then I honestly don't care.
If they can't then I'll just go on doing what I've been doing...which is to do my own research and find the answers myself.

Anyway, I'm not sure how to mend what has happened.
Its not for me to do the mending, tho, since I wasn't the one who did the snapping.

But since that incident, I've seen a different side to her..a side that has made me lose my respect for her.
A side that is ugly, vindictive, disloyal, insensitive, immature..
..a hypocrite who pretends to be charming, sweet and open-minded..
A side that made me wonder whether I want to mend things.
A side that makes me feel like probably my life would be happier and better without her in it.
But...I've learned somethings about meself in the past few years...
So I know that even though our relationship won't be the same, once I'm over my anger, I will forgive her and I will forget.
And I know that if she needs my support and someone to talk to...even when she gets bitchy in my face and bitches about me behind my back...I will be there...


...iggy's prob gonna give me an earful about this post...but i look forward to her feedback...hah!...