...how insensitive some people can be...

coming from my background, i have met many people who think i have it easy
My father was a high ranking government officer
obviously, the higher your ranking, the higher your salary
it is the same with any other companies, General Managers obviously would receive more salary than the dude in the mail room
they would also have more responsibilities and a bigger work load
and based on my experience, due to these workload, they are rarely home

if anyone were to ask me, i'd tell them i was raised by a single parent..my mom
my father was hardly around enough to constitute holding a proper parental role
if he wasn't travelling, he would be away at someone's house or some restaurant or wathaveyous for meetings and discussions and events and the lot

so it was left to my mother to raise 4 kids with different taste buds and different needs...
which is why i say i was raised by a single parent

but back to these people....
they also tend to think i have no worries, no stress
some of these people even resent me because of my background...
they consider me to be "loaded" and that if i wanted to, i wouldn't have to work or worry about my future or anything of the sort

of course i worry about my future
i may not be very good at managing my finances, but i worry about my future and my cashflow
of course i had financial stress, i used to receive a RM200 monthly allowance up until i was in college, whereas people from "lower background" receive RM200 weekly
of course i have to work...the 2 times when there was a lull in my career, i worried about cashflow incessantly

the first time i used money from my savings (no my father did not provide me any cash to spend)
the second time (now), it was because my father initially agreed to support me financially so I can concentrate on my studies...since that's not happening anymore, I've secured 2 part-time jobs so I have $$ to spend

during my previous jobs, i resigned either because i wasn't happy, i felt i was better of elsewhere or the management was fecked

when i was a writer for the arts magazine, we spent hours at a time sitting in the meeting room listening to our Big Boss bitch about art gallery owners, artists and the rest of the world and how he's a victim of pancreatic cancer..
i was going nowhere there and felt it was time to move on before i wasted more time

i've always been one to leave if i wasn't happy working somewhere
i wanted to work somewhere i was proud to be and was happy at, where i enjoyed my job (like when I was at the House of Siham)
At the House of Siham, it took me a lot of tossing and turning at night and a lot of IM-ing close friends for their thoughts..some said go, someone's agreed to support you financially...most said stay
I wanted to stay, but I knew I couldn't study and work at the same time...just not in my capabilities, I guess
and it was time i got me my degree...
so...only because I had assurance of cashflow that I finally decided to leave (but not without a lot of tears, mind you)

anyway....

when i was in secondary school, i was sitting with a classmate while waiting for my transportation (my parents did not allow us to ride the bus to school, so we had to have someone send us off and pick us up)
this classmate of mine and i were talking about some general non-important stuff
somehow it came to the topic of boyfriends
at 16 or 17, i wasn't overly concerned about having boyfriends
sure i had crushes, tom cruise...brad pitt...and some others, but i wasn't terhegeh2 to have a bf

so this girl said to me she really really wanted a boyfriend
then she said "u senang la nak dapat boyfriend"
which was really surprising to me, cuz if anyone went through an awkward phase in their teens, it was definitely i
so i asked her "why"
she said "ya la...bapak u kan (fill in the blanks with high ranking government officer's designation)"

imagine my surprise
i have never had anyone pay the least bit of attention to me because of that
i've had people scoff at me and give me dirty looks followed with the comments of "e! berlagak nya! gedik nya!" even when i haven't even opened my mouth and have never met this person before

when my mother and i were at a cousin's house for lunch, i thought to help his wife by washing the dishes
i was at the sink scrubbing away when the wife came up and just stared at me
then she asked "u tau ke camana nak basuh pinggan?"

eh..tak tau la..selalu nya at my house, after eating we jus throw away the dishes
duit kan banyak...beli je la lagi

by the by, i didn't respond to her
i just rinsed off my hands and left her to finish it off
i wouldn't be surprised if she washed those dishes i'd washed a second time..jus in case

its actually those comments (and many more) that made me very reluctant to even mention my family to anyone since secondary school
i jus dn't feel the need to explain myself to people and how my family is not the way they imagine my family to be
that my mom didn't spend her days shopping for blings and labucci clothes and Coach bags

when i started working at the House of Siham and word somehow got out about my background, one of the HR higher ranks approached me and asked if my father was so-and-so
my response was "no"

of course, they later found out it was true, but not from me

another colleague of mine actually told me she knows that i don't know how to do housework because clearly i have a maid (or more) and she did everything for the family
she also showed her disdain that my family even has a maid, saying that her mother prefers not to have a maid because she would rather do her cleaning up herself and that she's exactly the same
she also gets pissed off at me because i refuse to talk about my family and my background
for some odd reason, this annoys her..who knows why..maybe because she's related to Johorian royalty and thinks that if SHE has no issues, then neither should a measly commoner like me

actually, FYI...i do know how to clean up after myself, i do that all the time after my meals..
on (very rare) occassion, i'd even clean my room and wash my bathroom
i don't clean my room often because i'm lazy, but you should see me bro and sister's rooms, too..heck, they is jus as laidback about it as i am...
but then again, this is our personal space
people are not expected nor necessarily invited to come in uninvited

the only one amongst my siblings who would happily dust and wipe is eiseai..
but then, she's a little off (she has OCD - Obsessive Cleaning Disorder)
even my mom gets a little crazy with her incessant cleaning and re-arranging
i make it a point to tell people my mother cooks dinner and that the maid only cleans up
i prefer her cooking to the maid's anyway
and also to let some people that we don't rely on the maid to do everything for us

hey! my sisters and I cooked ourselves when we were overseas
i de-fatted the chicken, cooked, i wiped the table, washed the dishes, mopped the kitchen, washed my clothes, cleaned up after myself, paid my bills and rent myself....
i just didn't vacuum cuz we didn't have vacuum cleaners
I may not have done it every single bloody day, but I did it as often as my housemates did their housework

another one of my colleagues was stressed about stuff and wanted to go out
i was done at 3pm and didn't have anything to do afterwards, so off we went...
on the way to the car, she said grudgingly to me (something to the affect of) if something happened to my father, I wouldn't have to worry about cash

i'm not sure wat is the appropriate way to respond to such a statement
I was very surprised, the words didn't really register at first
the subject was dropped

i cannot in all honesty imagine saying to a close friend something like that
i hope i have never done so, and i seriously hope that i'm conscious enough to never do that

people are so...weird! its funny how they can get so angry with you simply cuz they think you have it better than they do
well, the house i stay in may be large and there may be lots of stuff in there
but the house and stuff in it are not mine, I am not loaded

my siblings and I, unlike Paris Hilton or any of those (admittedly lucky) trust fund babies, do not get things handed to us on a silver platter
we have only what we earn
for me...at this moment, seriously, I don't have much (not anything, in fact)

I am so sick of these idiots...